Raising multiple children can be a challenge to any parent, especially when they reach the ages wherein school activities and social events, such as sports events and birthday parties, start filling up their calendars. Each child has their own school and social schedule that parents try to keep up with to avoid the chaos that comes with raising a big family.
However, the tricky part of having a big family is when you try to navigate around the protocols of parties or social events, which usually spark heated discussions among netizens online.
Jeena Wilder, a mother of five from South Carolina, aroused a lively debate among parents online with her unconventional tradition of attending birthday events.
In a video she shared on TikTok and Instagram, she and her family performed a happy dance around their home, seemingly sending a subtle message that if 1 child is invited to a birthday party, the entire Wilder clan is considered invited, too.
“POV when you invite one of my children to a birthday party. You invite one child you get all of us…”
Her “all-for-one and one-for-all” mindset comes with the promise of imposing a larger-than-average party contribution through gift-bringing.
On Instagram, Jeena wrote, “If one of your children is invited to a birthday party, does that mean all of your kids can go? I’m team the whole family goes! I know that not everyone feels that way, so I always make sure I spend a little bit more on the birthday gift than the average person would to make up for it. Do you feel like just the child that got invited should go or the whole family?”
Jeena’s family tradition has parents debating on social media. Some parents praised her for promoting a united family to ensure safety and no children get left behind, especially when her husband’s job schedule often leaves her tending to the children on her own.
Jeena also makes sure she does an RSVP or asks permission from the host to show respect for their preferences and plans for the event.
A parent commented: “I always expect all the family to come when I invite kids to birthday parties! I have 5 kids, too, and most of the people we invite to parties have multiple, too. It’s gonna be a big party! 🤷🏻♀️ lol”
Another netizen shared: “Yeap. That’s me with all our 4 girls. I usually ask if the other girls can attend. If it’s a no, we all can’t go.”
However, not all reactions to Jeena’s video have been positive. Some parents disagreed with her and said that bringing uninvited guests without permission can strain the host’s resources and potentially disrupt the event, especially if the party has per-head costs or specific activities.
Some parents have expressed concerns, particularly those with children who are reserved or worrisome, that uninvited children may dominate over the intended guest of honor, making a special day an awkward one.
A parent wrote on Instagram: “So unbelievably rude throwing kids birthday party is expensive enough. Now having to add five other people, no. Just no, it’s rude.”
Another one commented: “Yeah… it’s a no for me. I also think it’s very disrespectful. Parties for children often have a certain amount of children invited for a reason. This is distasteful.”
Despite Jeena’s unconventional point of view, her tradition is rooted in her Haitian cultural background and personal experiences. Growing up, she was accustomed to attending events with the entire family, which she finds comforting and inclusive.
Jenna believes that her practice encourages a good sense of family unity and ensures the safety of each child, which she prioritizes in her parenting skills.
In these modern times, children’s birthday parties have evolved beyond the former norms, and parents nowadays juggle multiple commitments. The mother is usually the only person tending to the children, whom she treats equally. Other parents view Jenna’s tradition as a way to strengthen family bonds and simplify logistics.
However, there are still others who advocate maintaining traditional boundaries, pointing out the importance of individual friendships and one’s own experiences.
In the end, whether we’re team “just the invited child” or team “the whole family,” everyone can agree on making a special day a memorable one by stressing unity and bonding, especially in a very unique way.
▼ Watch Jeena’s video dancing with her family below, sending a message that in her family, when you invite one child, all are considered invited, too.
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Screenshot images credits: © Wilder Family @heytherewilders/TikTok and Jeena Wilder @jeenawilder/Instagram
Unsplash and Pixabay images credits: © Camilo Jimenez, Lidya Nada, Jon Tyson, and Silverstylus
